24. A Short Guide to Places of Interest in the Local Area

... being a meditation on what landmarks and attractions I might use to attract people to the locality of my own house.

I have written about the attractions of staying close to home elsewhere in this series. Suffice to say, it is something that I have thought about quite a lot recently. We all live in communities with their own unique character and history. some are popular tourist attractions and some are not. Most of us live in the ones that are not, but when you look at them closely enough, the flavour of these places are no less fascinating than any of their more popular counterparts.

Examine anything closely enough, and you will begin to see something fascinating about it. Research anything thoroughly enough and you will discover things about it that you would otherwise never have imagined. Fingerprints, the patterns in tealeaves, the things that live and grow in the garden, even the contents of the kitchen pedal bin. Everything around us is bursting with facts, stories and information, should we choose to look at it.

I live in Yorkshire. The county contains some beautiful places. There are National Parks with towering hills, beautiful rivers and waterfalls, there is moorland, and beautiful coastal areas, heritage industrial sites repurposed as museums and parkland, and towns and cities which are magnets for tourism. I don’t live particularly close to any of these. I live on a 1980s built housing estate half way between Rotherham and Doncaster. Whilst it is not a stunningly beautiful area, it isn’t depressingly ugly either. There are some nice places within walking distance, but it is also possible to stray into some less than marvellous locations.

In a recent meeting at the Mexborough Read to Write poetry group, we spent some time discussing how we might describe what we saw on a walk. This got me thinking about the walks that I had enjoyed during the lockdown period. walks that were necessarily very close to home. I realised that, without really thinking about it, I had created some geographical markers in my mind. Things that were small destinations, in themselves, landmarks which could be seen from a distance, particular features of a place, or interesting waypoints. I decided to write a few small pieces looking at some of these places.

I have added to it since, and will add to it again. Perhaps one day I shall publish a guide book, which will be of no interest to anyone apart from myself, and perhaps a handful of my neighbours, ones who share the same delight as me in the odd features of the locality.

I know that such people exist. One of them is fellow poet, Paul Dyson (Number 9 of the Sixty Odd). Paul is also an accomplished artist¹, who lives just a few doors along from one of my places of interest. The Wee Hoose by the Brae. Being the kind and creative fellow that he is, he recently surprised me by presenting me with a package - a present! It was a painting of the Wee Hoose in all its glory. I now have it on the wall just inside my front door. Sometimes, it is nice to have artwork representing the places you find attractive adorning the walls of your own house. Some might have a vista of the Andalucean mountains, others may have a memento of the pyramids at Giza or, the waters at Connaught. I prefer a piece of art representing somewhere a little closer to home².

A Short Guide to Places of Interest in the Local Area

(i) The Wee Hoose by the Brae

The path from my estate
To the High Thorn Road
Runs through a patch of green and pleasant land
At the bottom of the slope
Near a bicycle trap gate
A bungalow stands on the left hand

Between a wire link fence there
And a wall of breeze blocks
A shallow stream goes trickling on its way
Painted Scots Saltires declare
That the owners must be Jocks
I call the place the Wee Hoose by the Brae



(ii) The Sorting-Hat Tree 

Just a wee bit further along the brae
confined in the tangle garden
which hides the mysterious house
where who knows who might live
The sorting hat tree towers above the neighbourhood

The biggest fir in the district
More impressive than the Norwegian Spruce
Gifted to London by the city of Oslo each year,
Its summit can be seen from half a mile away
Scratching at the sky with every gust

Gifted to the people of Swinton, South Yorks
By generations of indolent gardeners. 
It points to a place beyond the clouds
Its ragged top resembling the Hogwarts sorting hat
Renowned amongst lovers of magic everywhere 

Where shall we go, You and I?
Where shall we wander? What shall we do?
Lets plot a course together
Beneath the sorting-hat tree
From there we shall set forth 
Along the routes suggested. by its needled limbs.



(iii) The Slut Shaming Gate

On an entrance gate to Kilnhurst Ings
Where the River Don flows by
An inscription in black marker pen
Always catches my eye

“To the boiled sweet slut” it says 
in letters black and bold
“Take your wrappers home with you”
Its angry, harsh and cold

Boiled sweet wrappers are a pest
They’re eyesores, it is true
Yet anger in permanent ink
Is quite unpleasant too



(iv) The Keep Out Tree

Majestic, magnificent
Lightning scarred
Yet living and vibrant
The tree stands on guard

A hand painted placard
Is nailed to its bark
KEEP OUT it says - PRIVATE
The phrase short and stark

The painting is faded
But the sentiment clear
Go away, Come no further
You’re not welcome here

1. Paul has also done a portrait of me. After boasting in last weeks piece about the portrait of me created by Pete Olding, I felt that it might be a bit much to boast of Paul’s portrait in the text of this weeks article. But I couldn’t resist adding it to a footnote. And a fine portrait it is too.

2. Readers who wish to investigate these places of interest for themselves may like to make use of the What Three Words app which gives a three word reference for every three metre square on the surface of the planet earth. The references are like little poems in themselves and could certainly be used as poetic prompts. Here are the references for the four sites referenced in this piece. If you get the app - or search online at what3words.com you will easily be able to locate them and perhaps have a trip out.

The Wee Hoose on the Brae - ///overdone.ready.tripling
The Sorting-Hat Tree - ///lessening.create.redouble
The Keep Out Tree - ///sideboard.relations.anyway
The Slut Shaming Gate - ///uncle.solicitor.asteroid

(Parking near the Keep out Tree is difficult, but if you approach it by car from Carr lane, you get a magnificent view of at the end of the road. (I have just discovered that you can access Google Street View through the What Three Words site and see the tree in all its glory there!)